I have written about my list before, but here we are again. I remember sitting in class, age 15, with my girlfriends and we were trying to figure out how many people we had kissed. This was before I started going out, before I started partying. But not before I lost my virginity. In order to remember all the people I had kissed, I started a list. I don’t have my original list to hand, so I don’t know what number I was at when I started, but pretty soon after I started the list, I started going out. And the numbers grew exponentially. I got really into kissing as many boys as I could in a night. 10 was normal. One night I remember only kissing three boys and I was heartbroken. Age 16 I thought I had peaked. That one night with only 3 boys made me panic my glory days were over, I wouldn’t be able to kiss 10 in a night ever again, I was too old, past it. Alas it was not to be. I had barely even started. I dunno why I always wanted to kiss as many people as possible. But I did. I would just walk up to people and snog them. No chat, no knowing who they were or if they were single. Just walk up and kiss. One time I walked up to a group of boys, closed my eyes, span in a circle with my finger pointing in front of me and whichever I ended up pointing to was the lucky winner….who got a snog! After I started adding sex into these nights out, I would get very annoyed if a boy kissed me and then couldn’t hook up with me. We were all very young and often didnt have free houses or anywhere to go. I wasnt on such a mission with the sex from the start as I was with the kissing but by the time I got my first boyfriend at 16 he was number 9. I knew I had already fucked more men than the “average” woman does in a lifetime. And I didnt feel any different. With all the slut shaming that used to go on, and often still does, I expected to feel different for having a growing number of notches on my bedpost…but I didn’t. I was still weird and quirky, kind and loving, I didnt become “dirty” or changed in anyone’s eyes. I was always comfortable with having lots of partners. From that first day recalling my early kissing experiences till today, I have kept a list of sexual partners. As I grew more experienced, and had gotten to nearly 400 people, I stopped recording the kissing and the non penetrative sex…but I think most encounters from then were full sex. A kiss or a BJ in a alley just wasnt enough. If I kiss you I want to fuck you. I think I put my list into electronic format when I was at university when I made charts about my sex life. Now the list is just all the people I have fucked…that didnt pay me. I never included work sex on the list. Just recreational partners. Except the first two who paid me as I wanted to fuck them and just happened to get paid!
There was a time when I thought I had lost the list. Well not lost. An evil ex made me delete it. He made me choose him or the list. The list he was fine with when we first started dating. And the list he obsessed about. He couldnt understand why I wanted to remember them all….erm what? Why wouldnt you want to remember all the people you liked enough to fuck. All the fun situations you got into with those people. The people youve known. The poeple who have been inside you. Just because there has been a lot doesnt mean it isnt special and I dont want to remember it. Maybe some people who sleep with a lot of people regret their decisions and are ashamed. But I have never been. I have good taste, know good people, make good decisions and am very very happy with my collection of beautiful men and cute girls. Obviously not all the experiences were perfect. But they were all my choice. Ive always respected myself enough to sleep with people I am happy and often even proud to have shared some naked time with. But, I still had to delete the list. Even though it wouldnt delete my memory or what I had done. A few months after it was over, on a off chance, I checked my google drive trash….and there was the list. For no explainable reason (he would check all my accounts for shit and delete things off my social media), it was there. i had my list back. The record of my life. I was so happy and felt like i had gotten a part of my life back he stole from me. Since then the list has become even more treasured. I have multiple copies saved and I never ever will spend any time with any man who thinks i need to delete any part of my past.
I am now on number 399. The next one is gonna be 400. I havent had any sex in 7 weeks now and I am in pretty deep need of some physical contact. But as it is such a significant number I want it to be someone special. Finding someone good enough to fuck is getting harder and harder as my sexual and mental standards get higher and the effort required to find it just doesnt seem worth it at the moment. I cant be bothered to end up with anooothhheeerrr boring lay. A basic bitch or someone i need to train. I need someone on my level, a sexual connoisseur…or a celebrity. Ron Jeremy was number 300. A vocalist for a house artist was number 100….200 i forgot it was coming up and was just some dude in Vegas…but I was in Vegas for the Adult Entertainment Expo on a trip from Australia, soo its still a cool story! There is one dude I’ve been speaking to for 4, nearly 5 years now, who is a world champion at a thing. I’d love him to be my 400 but after all this time I dont see it happening in real life ever! I could go to Vegas soon if I wanted to find someone to make it worth it cause right now im in a really small town and everyone knows each other and options are limited. But can I wait a few more weeks?! I think unless a 10 happens to roll on through I might end up having to let this 400 be just a normal experience, then 500 can be the next special one. Its taken me 5 years to get my last 100 though. And the rate I’m going, it could be another 5-10 years. There was a time, with the evil ex (303), where I thought that would be my number for the rest of my life, so at least Ive got the ability to grow my list again. And if i ever end up with someone who might last in my life, hopefully they will be down to grow both our lists together. In a ideal world, with the right guy, the list could grow even faster.
I love my list. Not many people treat sex the way I do. To me its just a normal hobby. Nothing shameful. I like collecting beautiful and interesting people. I like all the wierd and wonderful ways Ive met and interacted with people. I dont just “let” random dudes bend me over and use me. These arent faceless encounters. A one night stand with me usually involves hours or days of sex, talking, bonding, cuddling, eating, sharing. Having sex with someone is like doing a activity, to me its the same as playing some kind of sport together, something to commit time to and practice together. But unlike sport, I am able to share love and intimacy openly and freely. I think being ethically promiscuous gives me deeper connections with most people I sleep with and means I can revel in the juiciness of giving love and relax into the sensations of intimacy. The love I have for my list is just a reflection of the love I have for the sex life I have created for myself. I am proud of what I have achieved and want to joyfully remember it all for the rest of my life…and without that list I wouldnt be able to write most of these stories!
